You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
