Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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