tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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