I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize