I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
