i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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