Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
