So drunk, too bad you don't want this
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
