Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
