Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
