hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
