I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
