the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
