You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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