If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just forgot I was standing up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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