So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
