nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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