the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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