maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize