Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
