when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish you could order shots online.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
