A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
