It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
