Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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