mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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