I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
