You're a womanizer and a bitch.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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