I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
