i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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