totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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