The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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