Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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