Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
