He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
