My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
