I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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