Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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