So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
