He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
