Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
