mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize