If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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