Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
