Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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