shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize