So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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