Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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