Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
