So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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