i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
