In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
