He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize