You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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