you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
