just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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