3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
