Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
