I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
