I faked an abortion last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
