I molested 6 butterflies tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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