Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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