I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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