Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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