Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
