...so i touched it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
