I could make wine with my vomit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
