We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
